


Ode to a Nightingale

by Emby



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Betrayal, Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Drowning, F/M, Fjord-centric (Critical Role), Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Minor Fjord/Jester Lavorre, Psychological Torture, Sensory Deprivation, Team as Family, Torture, death ideation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25771744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emby/pseuds/Emby
Summary: Maybe Fjord should have tried to just live his life under the Wild Mother’s domain, maybe he wouldn’t be where he is now.
Relationships: Fjord/Jester Lavorre
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

Fjord isn't making it out of here alive. He's made peace with that fact. In the time he's been captive, he has died more than he can count. But they're toying with him, torturing him. 

He was the man who dared defy Uk’otoa’s will. This hell is his punishment and he knows, this isn't all they have in store for him. Fjord gave up on the Nein finding him many _many_ deaths ago. 

He should have listened to them. To their wary apprehension. None of them thought it was a good idea to seek out the remaining temples and he should have fucking listened to them. Fjord will be the first person to admit it was a mistake. He _knew_ that but now look where he is. 

Fjord was grateful that Melora had plucked him from the leviathan's grasp; grateful that she made him her Paladin. But he remembers the icy ball of dread he felt when she said that he would never be free from its Darkness. That Uko'toa would be an ugly stain on his life. He didn’t want that, he wanted his life back. 

He brought it up on a quiet evening: "Maybe we should find the last temple. Destroy it?" He asked, he didn't dare look up, he knew the resistance he was going to see. 

The camp quiets and he tenses. 

"Fjord, I don't think that's a good idea." Jester said tentatively.  
"Yeah man," Beau inserted "If that thing is doing damage to you just in your dreams I don’t think it’d be a good idea to get closer to it." 

He had frowned at that. "Something is telling me that I have to. " That was a lie, nothing was telling him he anything but he needs to. When he glanced up he locked eyes with Caleb had to look away quickly. The man's eyes always seemed to cut right through him. 

The reality is, Fjord is tired of the omnipotent being lurking over his every waking moment. It scares him. He just wanted to have a normal life, one that he doesn’t have to worry about what hell he could potentially bring on the people he loved. He wants the orb gone, he wants that dread and fear to stop hanging over his head. 

“I need closure, I have to do this!” he'd pleaded then. He remembers hoping they would understand but the glances that passed between the group were still uneasy. 

“Fjord.” Caleb's voice cuts through the silence. “It's not safe. We are not saying no because we are being difficult, it's because we love you and want you safe.” 

“What about sane huh? Do you know how long its been since I’ve had a full night’s rest?”

“You’re not alone, Fjord. You nearly died last time and none of us are very keen to lose you." Cad places a hand on his shoulder. "We’ll figure it out and if the shoe does drop we’re right there with you.”

He should have trusted them.

Instead he clenches his jaw and walks out into the darkness ignoring them calling his name. 

He remembers hearing them talking about him. To just ‘let him be', to 'leave him alone for a bit.’ 

It doesn’t come up again but he's pulling away from the group. They're supposed to be escorting a business man he thinks. They'd stopped in Rexxentrum heading further north as the only work available was to escort a man to somewhere. He doesn’t actually know who the man is or where they're taking him. Not because of any external factor but because he just doesn't care. 

There are chunks of time lost while he's stuck in his head plotting. He's going to find the temple, there's no question about it. 

He's taken to wandering the camp at night with a map in hand long after everyone is asleep. 

He studies the landscape for a jungle he thinks or based on the vision it makes sense that he'd have to go back to the Menagerie coast and start the search there. 

He doubts the Nein would want to head in that direction. There's not much there for them. Save for Jester. 

It was so underhanded he knows and he still hates himself for it. But what's done is done.

"Ruby of the Sea.." he makes his voice wistful. Jester turns to him eyebrows lifting. 

“Did she come up with the name herself? Oh! She was going to get me that hat remember?" Jester smiles a genuine one for the first time in a while. These days she only looks at him with such a worried expression it makes his stomach twist. 

"But Fjord, you didn't like the hat!"  
"I- well, that's true but I want your mother to like me."  
Jester's gaze softens and she cups his cheek. "She already likes you Fjord, because I like you." She glances around before quickly planting a kiss on his cheek. It makes his heart drop to his stomach and he feels sick. He’s a bad person truly. 

“You need to stop living in your head Fjord, we’re here for you if you need us. Don’t block us out.” 

“I’m ok.” She gives him a look and he amends “I’ll be ok. Thanks Jester.” She squeezes his hand in hers. “Now, lets go Caduceus found a nice Bath house.” 

Their travel takes them to another town and they go shopping. He asks Jester if her mother would like a decently sized ruby. He asks her what it was like growing up with her Jester's favorite memory at the Lavish Chateu. She's always been a mama's girl, so surely she would be aching to go see her again. 

Caleb keeps watching him and it makes the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Does Caleb know his ulterior motives? Does he know that Fjord isn’t willing to let him get in the way?

His pestering does what he wants and soon they're on their way to see The Ruby of the Sea.

Now floating in this endless hell he sees now that the whole time it was Uk’otoa. Gods, its influence had been so deep in him that even landlocked as they'd been it swayed his thoughts. He has no tears left to cry. 

He left in the dead of night and arrived at the ruins as dawn is breaking. Standing there in the quiet of the jungle with nothing but a sword and a horse it finally hits him how utterly idiotic his plan was. These last few months had passed in a haze and this was the culmination of his planning he had nothing.

“What the hell am I doing?” How the hell would I have even-” Fjord can’t help the laughter that bubbles up from inside him that soon devolves into sobs ripping from his chest no matter how hard he tries to keep them down. 

Fjord hasn’t cried in a long time so when the first few tears fall he dashes them away as if affronted. His accent was back, it always rears its head in moments where he _hurts_. 

It always comes back to Vandren. The feeling of abandonment and betrayal.

The months leading to this moment he had convinced himself that he wanted closure. But truly in his heart of hearts he wanted to cause it pain.

He wanted to hurt this thing that held so much power over him. The fear and rage of being at the behest of someone or in this case something that held so much over him. Someone that he thought protected and provided and had his best interests in mind. He doesn't even know who he's referring to now. 

He hates thinking about this, it always leaves him feeling shaky and raw. 

A warm breeze shifts the trees around him and the rage and anguish in him dissipates. His friends were right, this was a bad idea.  
“Melora, I hope you can forgive me. I hope they can forgive me”he murmurs and the breeze starts again before abruptly stopping freezing him to the core. His head snaps towards the jungle. 

Something's not right. 

He doesn’t even get to look around before he’s violently clubbed in the head.The crack of something heavy connecting with his skull resounds in the jungle air and he’s falling. It's an odd sensation seeing the world tilt to the side before it fades to nothing


	2. Chapter 2

Fjord wakes violently, his limbs flailing but hitting nothing. His eyes are open yet he sees nothing. He wouldn't be surprised if the violent clubbing had impaired his vision but he feels no pain. 

It's then that he realizes that he doesn't feel anything. Wherever he is, he needs to get out, he needs to go back. 

Fjord goes through the motions of swimming up but he comes to the staggering revelation he has no center of gravity he has no way to know which direction he's swimming. 

Fear begins to trickle down his spine as his lungs begin to burn. It wouldn't do any good to panic but he has less than a minute before he drowns. He knows the exact amount of time he has down to the millisecond. Fjord doesn’t know how he knows but it's an immutable fact. 

He’s drowned before and he's positive he died but Uk'otoa gave him a new life at a hefty cost. He just didn't want to die back then, had he known what the pact entailed, would he still have taken it?

He doesn’t want to ponder on it, the seconds are still counting down.

What Fjord hates about drowning is for the agonizing amount of time it takes, you're conscious the whole time. In the span of Sixty seconds you struggle to keep air in your lungs, praying to any God who can hear you to get you out of your situation. But you need to breathe, your brain is screaming at you to just take a goddamned breath but you know you shouldn't. Then there's the pressure in your chest that makes you think you'll explode if you don't. Then you inhale taking in a drag of that desperately needed air but there's no oxygen, only freezing cold water that begins to fill your lungs dragging you down down down to the depths below.

He's going to die he realizes as his limbs grow heavy. 

But it stops suddenly, the sensation of water permeating his lungs, the bursting pressure in his chest and finally all that’s left is the frantic beating of his heart. 

When he sees that timer in the back of his head he realizes:

The timer has reset.

5...4...3...2...1

This feels like some sort of nightmarish game someone is playing with his life and he can do nothing to fight it.

This time he wastes no time trying to find an exit, some way out but 60 seconds will never be enough.

5...4...3...2...1

When the brain runs out of oxygen you begin to Hallucinate. Fjord knows this, he’s been on the sea long enough, learned the ways of the ocean. So tell me why, when he sees Yasha’s extended hand he reaches for it. Why, when she knocks his hand away, does he see the group he’s traveled with for so long look at him with scorn, mock him, and laugh at him. Tell me, why does he believe it’s real? 

5...4...3...2...1

The faces mean nothing to him anymore whoever they had been to him before they are no longer. He just wishes whoever they are would stop laughing.

5...4...3...2...1

He's lost count.

He thinks sometimes that perhaps he wants to die. As the seconds count down, part of him hope's it's the last. 

But he can’t think like that Gods he can’t. 

5...4...3...2...1

A minute really does feel like a lifetime.

Knowing the inevitable countdown to each death is draining him of any will. Any thoughts he has of the outside world is like grasping at straws they’re intangible. Had he had any friends? Was anyone looking for him? How long had he been here?

_Punish._

Fjord’s heart stutters in his chest. It’s the first sound he's heard in eons.

_Punish_

He screams.

~

On another part of Wildmount Six dejected travelers make camp for the night in previously unexplored terrain. They truly have no clue where to find their missing member. And believe me, they’ve tried. 

Previously burned bridges were reforged in their desperation, impossible promises, risky trades all for naught. They knew where he wanted to go but where it was was another mystery. 

Jester had found Vandren. And it had taken Yasha and Beau to pull her off him. Because how dare he live a life of careless luxury after what he had done to Fjord. 

"We’ll find him, I promise." Caleb says not for the first time and part of Beau is starting to doubt it. It's been half a year since Fjord had left in the middle of the night and she hates herself for letting him go. 

Without his knowledge they'd tasked each other to keep watch over the brooding half-orc in case he did something stupid. And Beau just let him go. 

She thought maybe he just needed to go for a ride to clear his head but he hadn't returned the next morning and any form of contact yielded nothing. The fear and worry set in immediately but Fjord is an adult, he can take care of himself. 

They all in their own ways feel responsible.

~

For all Fjord's forgotten of his old life. Uk’otoa doesn't let him forget why he's here. Why he drowns. 

But this day something changes. He can feel it in the water, a movement that hadn't been there before. It's pointless, so pointless to look around but there's something below or is it above him? He doesn't get much time to contemplate what it could possibly be before he's essentially flushed out. His prison opens dumping the half-orc into a cell. 

Not that Fjord can tell, in the months? years? He's not sure how long he's been here. All he's seen and felt nothing but drowning lungs. Now he falls on sharp hard stone and whites out in agony. His body feels absurdly heavy as he lays there flat on the ground. He can't open his eyes when Fjord comes back to himself; he's wedged into a corner, his hands covering his ears. Everything is too loud, too bright, too much. Does he prefer the endless hell? He's truly not sure which is worse. Nobody comes to him but he doesn't stop hearing the sounds of the deep sea and the tinkling of chains. 

He’s started hearing voices and he’s been using it as an anchor. The voice is sweet, accented, a lifeline. He doesn’t know what it's saying, only catching bits and pieces. 

He doesn’t like it when it begs. It makes something in him hurt.

Fjord stays there in the dingy half submerged cell he hasn’t seen or heard anyone. Whatever it is, the proximity of Uk’otoa maybe that’s what's keeping him alive, why he hasn’t needed to eat. His senses have been in overdrive since he left the water which is why he hears the footsteps coming his direction. The cell door creaks open the sound grating the squeaking of its rusted hinges tearing at his ears. They don’t care what they're doing to him, the agony they're putting him through. The deep baritone fills the tomb too sudden, too loud. 

"You have been summoned."

Rough hands pull him up from the floor, his mouth wide in wordless pain. They drag him along the ground and He. Feels. _Everything_. 

~

It doesn’t matter how many times The Traveler appears to her saying “I’m sorry Jester, I can’t find him.” She’s going to keep trying. 

She screams all her rage, worry and fear into the darkening sky. Had it not been another devastating blow, the lightning strike and subsequent rainfall would have been impressive. But Fjord is gone and they have no leads. 

From the hut the visage of Jester looks so tiny against the backdrop of vast sky. She stands there, head bowed in the rain. 

“We’re not going to stop looking, we just have to try harder.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, If you would be so kind as to fill out this survey. You don't have to if you don't want to, thanks in advance. 
> 
> Here's the :[ Survey ](https://forms.gle/DfNHSaX14sYvQiyj9)
> 
> Tumbly:[ QualityQuill. ](https://QualityQuill.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr:[ QualityQuill. ](https://QualityQuill.tumblr.com)  
> Crit Role tumby: [ Fjord-the-Sea. ](https://Fjord-the-sea.tumblr.com)


End file.
